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Wednesday, October 20

El Chupacabra

                El Chupacabra is a legendary cryptid found in many parts of the Americas, especially Latin United States, Mexico, and Puerto Rico. It is commonly associated with the killing of livestock and, supposedly, the draining of their blood. It has been spotted as far north as Maine. How much of this legend has basis in fact and how much of it is purely a legend?
                Everywhere I look I find varying accounts of what the creature supposedly looks like. From dog, to kangaroo, to humanoid, to alien/dragon, nobody can agree. This video is a rather creepy showing of the creature: (warning: Language). I am going to go ahead and mark that video as a hoax in my mind, but you never know. Either way, it shows you how these people feel about this creature: It’s scary.



      There have been many cases of road kill being presumed to be a Chupacabra. Most of this evidence is dismissible by explanation of a dog with mange or a dog breed people are usually unfamiliar with, like a xoloitzcuintli. Personally I think a very large amount of these corpses can be explained by mammals with mange. There is no denying that a large animal with only little patchy spots of hair is flat out creepy looking, especially if you are a trigger-happy farmer watching after his sheep. Of course other people have some wonderful and “well educated” theories on this animal. Notice this YouTube user who very confidently states that “A chupacabra is a hybrid animal from PLANET EARTH people, its not a space alien, please do your research first. I understand people who were expecting an alien like species, but this is IT, its an animal that lives in hot areas all over the world.” (  Everything would be so much easier if we would all listen to these very intelligent YouTube users that know everything about the subjects they post videos of. I mean, duh, everyone knows Chupacabras live in hot areas all over the world! But no, seriously, people get really worked up over these easily dismissible pieces of carcass. This video right here is interesting: it shows a small “alien baby” found in Mexico. Unfortunately I can’t find any more info on it and therefore will blow it off as a hoax.

                Some people go to real extremes to get their own Chupacabra corpse. Because this is such a growing market I have decided to write you all a step-by-step guide to making your own Chupacabra:
-Step 1: Find a dead dog. It is unadvisable to kill a dog yourself, instead find one dead on the side of the road. A wolf or coyote will do
-Step 2: Shave the dog completely bare (leaving a Mohawk is optional)
-Step 3: File down the canine teeth to a very, very sharp point
-Step 4: Come up with a story about how you spotted and killed the creature (If your story involves shooting the creature you may want to actually shoot the corpse somewhere)
-Step 5: Deny any claims that the creature may be a hoax or a dog with mange and stick with your story, but deny any DNA testing or viewing by experts
-Step 6: Create T-shirts and posters with the name of your town and “CHUPACABRA!”

               This is a great project to do with your kids on a rainy afternoon…just don’t tell anybody you learned how to do it from me. Other animal choices include rats, badgers, monkeys, chickens, or combinations of them all.
                Obviously the hardest part to brush off about the Chupacabra story is the victims. There have been many dead livestock found, usually sheep or goats, but occasionally cows, chicken and pigs. The weirdest part is in many cases the animals are found relatively uneaten, sometimes appearing to have just the blood sucked from them. Now I highly doubt anybody has actually drained the remaining blood and checked to see if any was missing, and they are probably just assuming because they see two fang marks in the neck that a Dracula-like creature killed their Sheep. Unfortunately for the Chupa case, most of the kills associated with Chupacabra don’t exhibit the vampiristic bite marks, but instead have large throat gashes that are typical of coyotes and other large canines, or even large cats. This doesn’t explain the fact that most of the livestock are uneaten, unless they are scared off by the farmer coming out to see if he can spot a Chupacabra.

                Unexplainable Chupacabra sightings are few and far between. Most are easily dismissible as a coyote. There is little footage or images of Chupacabras that is not easily explainable or outright faked.  I’m not going to post any eyewitness accounts because all the ones I can find sound so ridiculous I would feel like I was insane reposting, even if just to make fun of them.
                Conclusion: Chupacabra is not an unworldly being. I’m going to agree with “crazy YouTube ranter” who I quoted (and made fun of…) earlier in this post. I believe that Chupacabra may be out there, but it is not the hyped up creature everyone makes it out to be. It may be just a hit-and-run coyote, or perhaps a big cat not native to the area. Either way, I believe the eyewitness accounts are dismissible as coyotes, wolves, or dogs with mange. And I believe the killings are dismissible in other ways. What’s your opinion?
***Some Images Were Removed From This Page To Avoid Potential Lawsuits and/or Shutdowns. My apologies***
Wikipedia (For images, dates, names, and description of events only)
Google Images (For some images)

Coming next week: Evolution vs. Creationism (probably the first of many)

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