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Wednesday, February 16

Capitalism for Dummies

A friend of mine posted this list online and I thought I'd share it:

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.
Tennessee Capitalism: You have two cows. Both become country music stars despite having no talent.
Soap Capitalism: You have two cows. One is actually the other’s ex boyfriend undergone a sex change to become a cow. The other is concealing a jealous rage at the quality of the converted cow’s milk. Both cows will end up falling in love by the end of the year.
Obama Capitalism: You have two cows. And you know nothing more than that statement without your manual.
Dick Cheney Capitalism: You have two cows. You accidentally shoot them both while aiming for quail.
Korean Capitalism: You have two cows. Before long one cow believes the other has better grazing land and threatens to bomb her unless its unknown demands are met.



You guys have any more to add to this list?


American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

2 comments:

  1. Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. However the cows see you as oppressive, organize a revolution, and decide to milk amongst themselves for their own profit. The cows then retire. Due to their dairy fortune, they do not need social security. Also, grass is legalized and not regulated.

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  2. Candian Capitalism: You have two cows and they get along great with eveyone. They have great healthcare, but they had to wait in line a loooong time to get it, and they have great taste in music. Oh, and they join the cast of SNL in the 1990's.

    Adolescent Capitalism: You have two cows. No one understands them.

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